Monday, December 12, 2005
went for darren's wedding dinner today...
it is in fact the -first- wedding dinner tt i went to, without my family's company.
and the second that i've been to in a period of a month. food was great, ambience was good, and got to meet steven's sot sot gf. she's quite pretty but there's just something about her that bothers me a great deal. the unnatural smile she gives me from time to time, forcing me to seemingly reciprocate the politeness by smiling back. it would also haf been a better experience if chiok wasn't there to talk non-stop. steven's gf was literally bored to death by his constant rantings tt her eyes turned all red and teary mid-way thru the dinner. regimentation was in the air tho; no one dare to eat first until chiok picks up his chopsticks. ppl may well say this is called
zun jing zhang bei, but to me, i tink they more scared of getting backstabbed in camp ba.. when u're past the training days and u step into the management level of army, it turns out that the WOSEs(these are the ppl i work with) transform into mini-politicians, each weaving their own scheme of plans and transmitting their thoughts(perhaps twisted ones) during smoking sessions, and coming up with 'great' philosophies that justifies their way of action. but most of them do not realise that the main reason the
others are listening is nt coz they are interested in their bullshit. its coz they haf to
ying chou their superiors so as to make their working experience a more pleasant one. has it never crossed these 'commanders' minds that the NSFs, the 'men' as they like to call us, are no lesser beings than them? a few yrs down the road i may well be earning multiples of qm's or my encik's salary. they do not realise that the authority for them to tekan is nt coz of their leadership, but coz its a
given. sure, u may have been in the organisation for 10 times my NS liability, but is ur iq higher than mine? how about ur eq? ur studies? ur leadership and achievements? experience may be something precious, but youth and gift from God(or whichever superior being, pardon me) is worth more and ought to be respected.
digressed too much. anyway, after the somewhat enjoyable dinner, i walked home 40 bucks poorer. and back into my newly-furnished room. and agnes is telling me abt what xmas present she should be getting. some smart-ass once said that to receive is a
xinfu, but i dont feel any happiness from the fact that
she is getting me a present. perhaps its just her to prepare bdae presents for all her friends(which makes me an even bigger loser), or perhaps she....hahahaa fat hope on my side man...ive done things too bad and to request something that would make me happy, is to request a treatment im not worthy of anymore. this has troubled me to the point that on some nights, i will just go crazy thinking of the answers to the various doubts left behind by those melodramatic events. literally crazy. i could juz clutch my head and flip around in bed and go 'why why why' and then the occasional spasms will kick in. sounds crazy? maybe im mentally ill?
i found a diamond
at 12:23 AM
